The Laws of the No Whine Timeline
- The First Law of the No Whine Timeline
- Upon winning the championship of their sport, no team's fans may whine, bitch and moan, grouse, grumble, or otherwise complain about said team, the team's performance, on- or off-the-field personnel, etc., for the five succeeding seasons.
- The Second Law of the No Whine Timeline (the Dynasty Corollary)
- If, during the time the No Whine Timeline is in effect for any team, that team wins their championship, an additional five seasons of the No Whine Timeline are tacked on to the end of the current Timeline.
- The Third Law of the No Whine Timeline (the Montreal Exception)
- If twenty (20) consecutive seasons pass without a team winning their championship, then their Timeline ends, regardless of the effects of the Second Law.
- The Fourth Law of the No Whine Timeline (the World Cup Rule)
- For championships that are won less frequently than every year, all lengths-of-time of the No Whine Timeline are multiplied by the number of years between championships.
- The Fifth Law of the No Whine Timeline (the First Amendment)
- The First Law is hereby amended with the following: For the duration of any team's No Whine Timeline, no fan of that team may whine, bitch and moan, grouse, grumble or otherwise complain about any of the following entities, with regards to how their words or actions relate to the team: referees, players/coaches/personnel from other teams, league Commissioners, TV and radio personalities, sportswriters, sportscasters, bloggers, reporters, podcasters, internet commenters, or ranting crazy people on subways or any other form of public transportation.